“Your kids are like a well-oiled machine!” Michelle Wilber.

Our sitter told me this after Frank and I came back from a multi-day trip. Apparently, after dinner, our kids got up, did the dishes and put the food away. They cleaned the bathrooms and their rooms on Saturday, as was our routine. This impressed her so much, but honestly I hadn’t thought much of it before then. Doesn’t every family pitch in work together? They should, at least this is what I believe. And it works.

So, I’d like to give some tips for how we’ve gotten to this point in our home.

What I do

1. Make helping an expectation but keep it FUN!

Pitching in is expected in our home. My mother delegated work to me when I was young on our small farm in Maine, and I do the same with my kids. Some of my jobs included weeding the garden, mopping the wood floors, and cleaning bathrooms.

Her philosophy went something like this: I am not a slave. All joking aside, why shouldn’t kids work to make their home a more inviting place? The Mom and Dad cannot do it all.

I have a friend who was an example of trying to do all the work. She never sat down. I remember visiting her once, and I think she was able to sit down all of 5 minutes in a 2 –hour period. That’s just crazy!

I read some great ideas for making housework fun when the kids were smaller. One idea that works great for competitive families; Have a housework Olympics, and see how fast (and how well) you can complete the Saturday jobs!! The fastest, most complete cleaners win. (Mom inspects each job site.)

2. Train children from the time they are young

This includes SHOWING them how to do it first. Some easy jobs for younger children include emptying the dishwasher and cleaning toilets (we use a non-toxic cleaner, NOT bleach).

“If you are willing to spend the time with children to train them, to show them how to clean or stack wood, they will come to enjoy it. When the kids are young, they want to be like Mommy and Daddy. They see us doing dishes or using the vacuum, and they want to try it. Let them! Show them how to do simple jobs when their interest is piqued.” From the blog 10 Tips for better Family Time.  https://efficientspacesco.c.wpstage.net/?s=10+tips+for+better+family+time

Patience is required for training. They are not going to get it perfect, and it will not be up to your standards. Just remember their coordination and level of detail is not the same as yours!

Teach them to take pride in a sparkling-clean sink and spicket. Point out how good it looks when it’s clean.

I firmly believe that teaching children to work bolsters their confidence and self-esteem. They see they can do a job, do it well, and make a difference in the way their home looks and functions. This method is more effective than constant compliments.

3. Lower the bar

As my organizing mentor Porter Knight used to say in one of her speeches: lower the bar. Set your expectations lower than you would for an older teen or adult.

Porter had her sons clean the bathrooms. Were they perfect? No. But they were the best her 11-yr old son could do, so it was good enough. Don’t be too picky of they will be discouraged and not want to help next time.

Instead, praise each child’s effort and bite your tongue!

4. Encourage them

Note: I didn’t say PRAISE; I said encourage. First off, don’t be patronizing if they are older, be sincere and find something you liked about their work. If something needs to be re-done, use the sandwich technique.

I liked how you ——, could you scrub the orange ring by the sink drain a bit more? I am sure you can do it  if you put a little more time in.

But if you sense they are not giving it their full effort or doing their best, definitely ask them to try again. If they still aren’t’getting it, see if they understand what you asked them to do, and provide some more patient training.

Don’t bribe them, but definitely give them a reward or incentive. I have some special chocolate truffles I give the teens when they complete jobs they dislike. They also get paid each month for the work they do, but an immediate reward is quite effective. Everybody in my house likes chocolate. One time we motivated the kids for a big job of spreading mulch on all the flower beds by telling them we’d go to DQ afterward. My kids will do almost anything for ice cream!

5. My kids are teens, is it too late?

When our kids were young, we lived in Vermont and heard about an amazing parenting program. It is called Parenting On Track by Vicki Hoefle. She insists you can still train teens to work.

“They might whine and complain for the first few minutes, but sit them down and explain:

“Your father and I have done you a disservice. We have been doing everything for you up until now. But if we continue like this, you won’t know what to do when you get on your own in __ years. It’s time to learn how to ______  and ______ so you aren’t helpless when you get your first apartment/ go to college/ get married.

Plus, is it really OK for the Mom or even both parents to do the lion’s share of work in the home? Parents today have less time than ever. It’s important to get the kids involved in keeping the home clean, the family fed, and the yard maintained. It’s the way life works. I don’t know any employers who would react well to the statement: “I’ve never done that, can you do it for me?” (from an earlier blog 10 Tips for Better Family Time.) https://efficientspacesco.c.wpstage.net/?s=10+tips+for+better+family+time

Vicki also has a great list of things kids need to be able to do on their own by the time they are 18. One night, when we went through that list with our kids, we realized one of our daughters had never mowed the lawn!  We soon started training her to do that. She was on board.

Also, one great thing about having older children who know how to work is: they can train their younger sibs to do certain jobs (if they have the right temperament and the two kids get along well). Otherwise, you may need to train the younger kids to make it a positive experience.

6. Pick your battles

This is true for many things in parenting. If a child really doesn’t want to do a job, compromise and assign them a different job whenever possible. If it is something they have to do, like cleaning their room, find out what the issue is. Sometimes they may have no idea where to start, like many of my organizing clients. Just helping them with some ideas or talking about it can stave off a grumpy attitude.

7. Keep their strengths and interests in mind when assigning tasks.

For example, my daughter Kate loves to polish wood. So she washes the cabinets with soapy water, then dries and polishes the kitchen cabinets with orange oil. Kate takes great pride in doing this job well and seeing the wood gleam when she is done. Some well-earned recognition from me goes a long way, too!

I discovered my daughter Emily likes dusting. This is a job I hate, so when I realized she liked it, she became my main duster! I got her a feather duster, which is fun, and she happily dusts furniture, bookshelves, etc.

Kyle likes to vacuum the stairs, and Jacob loves to clean the pool and do yardwork as long as he has company. We all have our strengths. Of course, my favorite job is organizing drawers, cabinets, the pantry and clearing off counters. J

The best advice I can give: start where you are. If your kids are older and you need help, start training them to do work they are suited to. If they are young, see what they are interested in helping you with, and let them (with supervision). This is a great investment in their future. You will never regret teaching your kids to work. They will contribute to your home, family AND become productive, independent adults.

     And that is important because everyone likes to feel needed.

Resources for parents:

https://www.vickihoefle.com/

Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Kline and Jim Fay

Blog:  www.efficientspacesco.com/?s=10+tips+for+better+family+time

http://monicaswanson.com/category/parenting-and-family/